life lessons

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails”.  

                                                                                            — Bertha Calloway 

I'm a tree hugger.

Did you know that hugging trees is good for your mental health? It might sound silly, but it's true! This is a picture of me hugging a rare tree -- the black walnut (Juglans nigra) tree. 

Moving on

Thank goodness, 2022 is coming to a close. 

I experienced wretched pain this year. But I also had some incredible experiences. I met some amazing people. I reconnected with (old) friends. You were all there when I needed you the most. Thank you.

I don't drink alcohol or use cannabis products. So to ease my pain I had conversations with friends, wrote out my thoughts, reflected. Instead of getting into a rebound relationship, I spent my days volunteering with non-profit organizations. I spent my nights exercising, keeping my mind and body healthy.  

I've been single for seven months. I'm finally emotionally ready to move on. I'm entering the new year with an open heart. Bring on 2023!

Blog X-mas Card

Dear Blog Readers:

If you live in Ontario, Canada, like me, there is a winter storm brewing outside your front door. It makes me want to curl up with a good book and hope there isn't a power outage! 

Stay safe everyone. Have a golden holiday!    

Warm wishes,

melissa 

cool kids

i'll never be fashionably 

impressive or hot

can't be

what i'm not 

Jokes

I love to laugh. Who doesn't? But more importantly, there are health benefits to laughing. To inspire a spontaneous fit of chuckles and giggles, check out this classic Sesame Street clip below. It's a scream!

The Automat

I just watched a documentary on the history of the automat. It's fabulous. New York, Mel Brooks, Colin Powell. It has it all. I only wish I could go to an automat for lunch... If only I had a time machine! 

End of year notes

I noticed mental health and wellness has been a central topic in the media this December. I wasn't going to share more about my personal struggles this year. But I have been reading a lot about how sharing is important. It's cathartic but may also help someone else. 

I had so many plans this summer. Being my first summer vacation in 10 years, I was excited. But plans fell through. A bad breakup will do that to you. My summer consisted of boxes of tissues and blurry eyes. Each morning I woke up -- my body aching, feeling as if I had been dragged 200 miles, kicked in the stomach and punched in the chest. The pain that radiated throughout my body was excruciating. Nothing seemed important anymore. I felt worthless and useless. It was an inner struggle to carry on every day, to see myself in the mirror, to do basic things like have a shower, get dressed and eat. I wanted to give up and give in so many times. I couldn't take the pain anymore. I even prayed to higher powers to let me slip away, to "go gentle into that good night". It was my mother that sat with me day and night. She witnessed my pain. I talked. She listened. She encouraged me to express my emotions, to "let the pain out" but not to give up on life. 

Broken heart syndrome is real. I know because I experienced the symptoms. If you are going through heartbreak, reach out. Email (old) friends. Email family members. You can email me. But don't go it alone! 

Let's hope 2023 is better all around, for everyone. 

Land Acknowledgements

Indigenous peoples and communities continue to suffer at the hands of the petrochemical industry. VICE put together a documentary on the Chemical Valley in Sarnia, Ontario. I watched this documentary years ago but it is worth revisiting. When creating Land Acknowledgements, may it serve as inspiration.  

Do you want to further develop your knowledge and understanding? Watch the video below. 

throw out the lion

horoscopes are 

for the deluded

the fool lost 

dreaming 

caught in fake 

and fantasy 

always hoping

for something 

but never 

quite getting there

hydrogen and helium

my neighbour’s elf light 

and strands of twinkly bulbs

decorating their front yard 

try hard but can’t compete 

with the stars shining 

in the midnight black sky: 

nature 1, holiday decor 0. 

United Nations (COP15)

At a recent UN biodiversity conference, the UN Secretary-General António Guterres sounded the alarm on environmental destruction. His remarks below:

Ecosystems have become playthings of profit.

With our bottomless appetite for unchecked and unequal economic growth, humanity has become a weapon of mass extinction.

We are treating nature like a toilet.

And ultimately, we are committing suicide by proxy.

Gifts of the Magi

O. Henry (1905) wrote a short story called, "Gifts of the Magi". Are you familiar with it? The story involves a married couple and the sacrifices they make to buy each other gifts at Christmas. Well, you're in for a real treat. In 1978, Sesame Street did their own version of this story. It's a holiday delight!    

hospital food

walking through 

the emergency room 

i have flashbacks 

to last winter 

spending hours, days 

watching my dad 

lying on a stretcher 

hooked up to iv 

and heart monitors 

frail and scared 

and me escaping 

every now and again 

into a dimly lit hallway 

so he wouldn’t see 

my face splashed 

with tears  

musique

I usually don't post on my blog about celebrities, but I felt this was appropriate. I just heard the news about Céline Dion's rare neurological condition, stiff-person syndrome.  

Céline's amazing voice and music have been a part of my life since I was a pre-teen. I have relied on her songs to get me through some of my darkest days, giving me "courage" and inspiration to continue on. 

I send my love to Céline and her family at this time. 

.........

Dabney Coleman plays Tom Hank's father in the film, You've Got Mail. In the dialogue excerpt below, Coleman talks to Hanks about how he is getting divorced for the second or third or forth time. 

• (Dabney Coleman) "I just have to meet someone new, that's all. That's the easy part." 
• (Tom Hanks) "Oh right, yeah, a snap to find the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy." 
• (Dabney Coleman) "Well, don't be ridiculous. Have I ever been with anyone who fit that description? Have you?"
• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

arsonist

most of the year

my body was 

drenched in gasoline

he just lit the match

that set me on fire

burning at the stake

inferno:

maybe 

december snowflakes

can put out the blaze.

next stop

in the great hall 

the architecture is exquisite 

[circa 1920s]

i stand admiring 

as people text and talk 

with one eye on the clock 

a sense of hurry and hustle 

endless motion and distraction 

and me depending on you 

to figure out where we are going

next

untitled

disappointment 

is like finding out 

the knitted cardigan 

you wanted and 

spent years 

combing through 

thrift store racks for 

is made out of 

coarse wool, itchy 

and dry-clean only: 

unwearable fashion.

Get involved, sign this!

I just signed this petition. Join me by signing, and protect Ontario's Greenbelt! Click here

the music bible

crosby, sinatra, martin are the unholy wise men

bringing magnetism, swagger and cool: 

who needs frankincense anyway?

trend followers

i'm seeing more 

and more people 

taking their cats 

for a walk  

on a leash:

it doesn't seem right 

i want to run up

untether 

and set the cat free

run 

        kitty 

                   run. 

alumni letters

I received my alumni newsletter. Following the salutation, the first line reads: "We wish 2022 has been as successfull [sic] as you intended for it to be!" 

Wait. Let's talk about language for a minute.

How do you define "success"? How do you measure success? Do you consider yourself successful? 

I used to consider myself successful if I met certain academic expectations. Now I consider myself successful if I have: 

1. work-life balance;

2. family and friends who support and encourage me to be the best I can be; 

3. mental wellness; and 

4. daily happiness.

I challenge you to redefine your version of "success" and be your best self. 

She said

Behind the Scenes

Outtake from "Heartbreak School" blog post 

Fun fact: I don't use filters. I don't alter or photoshop photos of myself that I post on my blog. I'm not wearing any make-up in the above photograph. This is a picture of me with all my imperfections.

Outtake from "I graduated today" blog post 

Fun fact: The red doctoral robe is really heavy. It is made out of velvet and other fabrics. The hat is made out of cardboard, covered with velvet. The tassel is made out of real gold threads. Together, the hat and robe retail for about $750. It's also a medieval tradition to wear this hat and robe. I'm just glad no one followed the tradition of throwing tomatoes.

like a fly to honey

yellow and black strips

keep buzzing around me 

buzz, buzz, buzzing

landing on my hand 

and then on the patch of sunlight

kissing my leg

i whoosh away their wings

but they keep zig-zagging 

back to me

you’d think i was as sweet

as a red delicious apple

or as appealing as one 

Last Christmas

Yes, I should be writing about education workers striking. I support walkouts. But I attended a teaching conference for the past two days and talked a lot about pedagogy and education. So, instead I’m going to share with you a cover of "Last Christmas". It might just cheer you up and put you in the holiday mood! When I say "holiday mood", I don’t mean hitting the malls and maxing out your credit cards. I mean getting together with people you care about and decorating the tree. I missed years of tree decorating. This year I'm getting my tree decorating on! I'm also throwing out my Grinch and Scrooge persona and baking homemade gingerbread cookies. By the way, if you're looking for something fun to do in a couple of weeks -- I would recommend attending the Toronto Santa Claus Parade. I've been a few times myself and it's always a good time.

P.S. There are great screen adaptations of Dickens' A Christmas Carol. However, the book is wonderful too (one of my favourites). Pick up a copy from your local library and find out why!

drawing parallels

When the message you receive on your blog feels a lot like your life. 

 

Do you want five more minutes?

Recently I reconnected with someone that I knew in high school. She has been talking to me a lot about our high school days. I always thought my university years would stand out to me as being the very best, what I remembered the most. But really, it was high school. I was lucky to have a lot of friends in high school who cared about me (and who I cared for). I loved being the social butterfly. I wish I had five more minutes of those "good times". I guess I'm going to have to get my butterfly wings out again.

9:25 am

next stop 

dundas station 

i get up from my seat

and exit the train 

lost in a sea of ryerson 

toronto metropolitan university students

"hold me closer" on the radio

i look up

i’m at king road

on my way to you

214 miles 

until i breathe your air 

i’ve known you since 

i was 4 years old

your wild curves

your sunsets

the stars that cover

your sky

your roots run 

deep in me

north barrie

highway 400 

80 km/h

everyone is going over 100

follow the orange lines 

i’m headed to god’s country

Hocus Pocus

It's that time of year again. Trees are losing their leaves. Yellow, red and orange line the streets. Halloween is fast approaching! I really enjoy celebrating the pagan holiday by carving pumpkins. Check out some of my past carvings below. I have also started making homemade pumpkin pies. If you like the taste of pumpkin, you should give it a try. It will be, hands down, the best pumpkin pie you will ever eat! 

Supporting Indigenous communities (updated)

"Prayers by the Lake" by Pam Cailloux 

This post is dedicated to supporting Indigenous communities. This is a working post and will be updated on an ongoing basis. If you have any resources that you would like to share, please post them in the comment section below. Thank you! 

1. Balancing the Canoe 

2. Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada 

3. Reconciliation Canada (volunteer opportunities and toolkits, and other actions) 

4. Unreserved (podcast) 

5. Language (politically correct terminology)  

6. Land Acknowledgement 

7. Residential Schools 

8. Indigenous Pedagogy: Teaching Approaches 

9. The History of the Mississaugas of the Credit First Nation

10. Bridge Between Nations: A History of First Nations in the Fraser River Basin

11. Historical Background: The Indian Act and the Indian Residential Schools 

12. Health research involving First Nations, Inuit and Métis children and their communities

13. Indigenous Epistemologies and Pedagogies

14. Counterfeiters Are Degrading the Indigenous Art Market. A Canadian Woman Fought Back

15. Indigenous Climate Action 

smart as an apple

my computer wallpaper 

changed autonomically 

to a picture with mountains 

and autumn trees 

and a lake reflecting the 

change of seasons --

a metaphor for life

that seems so relevant  

to me right now

    well played macbook air.

I graduated today.

Today I concluded my graduate student journey. I attended my PhD convocation ceremony, adorning a doctoral hat and gown. Every graduation, and I have attended a few, I was always so envious of those in red robes and philosopher style hats. Now I was one of them. Tears filled my eyes. It has been a long journey. But I finally made it. 

I would like to thank all those who supported and encouraged me to pursue higher education. You made today possible. 

I would also like to thank the kindness of strangers. People I never met before approached me to say congratulations. Thank you. Your words meant more to me then you will ever know.

water stains

i was content

mittens, toque, winter coat

curled up on a lawn chair 

embracing the october chill

reading about politics 

and capitalism and revolution 

then it started to rain —

i didn’t mind but the book 

i was reading protested 

water and paper 

don’t mix. 

what’s in a name

bubba watson is a name 

i’m more familiar with 

than my own name

and i don’t even play golf

i’ll have to start:

point me in the direction of the green

i’ll bring the pink golf balls. 

Luke Combs - Forever After All

This song has all the ingredients of a good country song. It references trucks, beer and god. I'm not much of a country music fan but this song... I could listen to all night. 

untitled

looking into the mirror

there's something about my eyes

they were always the colour blue  

but now more blue 

heavy with sadness

on the verge of tears 

full of regret 

oh, to be happy again 

Cogito, ergo sum

René Descartes famously states, "I think, therefore I am". 

Since I'm interested in teaching, I'm wondering how this philosophical statement can be modified for teachers and other educators?

I propose: 

        I learn, therefore I teach.

       

Any other thoughts? Share below.

For the love of research

A friend of mine went to a wedding this past weekend. She told me that she had a great time. I'm glad she did, but thinking about weddings (and going to one) is the last thing I want to do. I can't even watch a Hallmark movie. Romantic comedies are out! 

Weddings are expensive events. The ring, dress, venue. But weddings are also about love, right? They're about celebrating two imperfect people, coming together, vowing to spend their lives together. Perhaps they're even best friends. 

Oddly enough, studies have been conducted on marriage and happiness and what it means to marry your best friend. Murray refers to one such study, published by the National Bureau of Economics Research. Murray writes:

One reason the study gives for why marriages remain so satisfying, is the role of friendship. The study found that the “well-being effects of marriage are about twice as large for those whose spouse is also their best friend.”  

Since we’re talking about marriage and friendship, I thought I would end this post with a few good friendship quotes:

“Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.” — Thomas J. Watson

“Friendship is accepting a person with all their qualities — good and bad.” — Mohanlal

“If you are ever lucky enough to find a weirdo, never let them go.” — Matthew Gray Gubler 

“Real friendship, like real poetry, is extremely rare — and precious as a pearl.” — Tahar Ben Jelloun

“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.” — Oscar Wilde

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.” — Henri Nouwen

“True friends are always together in spirit.” — L.M. Montgomery

Grit: the power of passion and perseverance

Do you have grit? 

When it comes to learning, Angela Lee Duckworth argues grit is essential. 

 

How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

I was having an Annie Lennox moment when I came across this TED video. I encourage you to grab a tea, take a 20 minute break and watch it. 

Andrew Solomon talks about how his struggles growing up have made him into the man he is today. Solomon says that it is through struggle and adversity that we can “Forge meaning and build identity”. He explains, “Forging meaning is about changing yourself” and “Building identity is about changing the world”. 

How/what will you change today?

earshot

Birds chirping 

Engines accelerating 

Horns honking 

Hum of traffic 

passing by 

Air conditioner spinning 

Dogs barking

Neighbour shouting

Airplanes making their way 

through a cloudy sky 

Cacophony of sound 

That used to bother me 

Now I welcome 

To drown the sadness

Chaos inside my head

It’s the silence I dread